A world that I knit from the day I started dreaming of any. My dream started from small toys to a bunch of racing cars then to cricket bats, to sexy ladies and now that I am maturing I am interested about career that that satisfies all my needs. I never thought my world is going to be so unchecked. I was living in a secured world then, a world where there were no worries, what had been just fun and joyous moments. I did never think of any change in my routine.
Now, that I am 17 going to be 18 in a time of just 4 to 5 months. I see a world full of opportunities, but with a package of insecurity bundled within the same. I can no more rely on anyone for a secured stay. I have nothing that I could say is mine and that I could say can be mine someday, I am such that I cannot even guaranty myself of anything that might look so simple but is actually a path full of thorns, with a attractive layer of soft cotton on it. All that the world has in for you is avenues that gives you hope but doesn’t guaranty achievement. Returning to my story I was always of multiple concern, someone who would believe in “Let your happiness be in the smiles of your beloved”, but it doesn’t seem to work out for me anymore. All I have within me is a big brain, which includes a body weighing near 79kgs that needs fuel worth grand each day to work smoothly. Hey! Don’t mistake me for a punk please. I’m no worthless, yet I am, because my father says so, although it doesn’t bother me much.
Hey! What’s your qualification? What do you do? Some questions that run towards me each day without fail…the answer comes out is full of horror that might even make the listener, fall to his knees or may be would make him senseless, not because he admires, but because he knows it’s not enough to live in your world.
Starting off from 15th May 2009, the day I graduated from school, known to be the matriculation in the South East Asia, the subcontinent. I was happy at my progress as the results suggested that, and it was also the way I expected it to be. 89.6 %( Not boasting!!) Yes, that was what I secured. Everyone around me seemed so happy, yet so dull. My parents never expected something like that of me for sure, but some of my well wishers had a different story. (My friend, a cup of coffee with a tea spoon of sugar tastes good, but with another teaspoon of the same it would taste better) They wanted another teaspoon.
For me, what I had in pouch was more than what I could ask for, something like “bhagwan jab deta hai, chappar far ke deta hai” (Translation: when it’s time for god to give you something, he gives more than what you expected).
It was time for me to decide on what I would opt for. May it be Commerce or Science? Not Arts because I was always afraid of the subjects associated to it. But the real hurdle came when dad said if I should study Commerce I will be admitted to GAUHATI COMMERCE COLLEGE. You might be thinking, is that lad crazy?? How can studying in one of the premier institutes of North Eastern India be of any hurdle to him? Yes, it was, as because my father was appointed in the same as a Head of one of the Departments. Moreover, it meant a loss of privacy and decision making for me. So, even though I keen interest for the stream I opted for the latter.
I decided I am to study Science, pretty confident of making an impact on the way I head towards. It was then in the course of two years I realised different truths of life, truths that made me understand this ruthless world. A world that can shiver the strongest of man and dismantle the might of a warrior. It was war all over my life then. I was a warrior within, but had fewer guards than expected. The warrior in me lost and met its ultimate demise soon after.
Do not think Science is a heck of a career to follow. What I wanted you to understand is pursue what you really want to.
As a child I aspired to become a doctor just because I idolised my uncle, who is an eminent doctor in the field of surgery. I was quite carried by the respect and admiration he enjoyed. Then on, when I started taking interest Dad’s firm I suddenly changed from a doctor to a CA, quite attractive a job these days. That was how I realized that a person view of things and objects changes according to the surrounding he is in.
On the mid session, 2010, when gradually the study pressure built up, I started accusing myself. Why the hell did I opt for science? Another human trait of correcting previous mistakes, although it wasn’t a mistake with me, the same was felt by some of friends too.
I realised whichever way I would move I will have to make the path all by myself, tried taking it up as a challenge. But, at the end of the day it wasn’t that easy. Days passed by with lesser ups than downs, and on March, 2011, I was over with my Senior Secondary Classes and exams. Then came the biggest of tsunamis that started banging on the ports of my head damaging most of its handsome population by a single 4- letter word EXAM. Now, what was new in here? After all I have been giving exams all my life. However, it was nonetheless than disasters in students’ life (Excluding the so called brainy ones). They were the decider, a three tier system of examination to select students to the premier institutes of the country. This year it was more than 5,00,000 students competing for just 1800+ seats for becoming a doctor, 8,00,000 students fighting for getting a seat in IIT that hardly accommodates 14000. For the richer fellows it’s no problem, because they still have a chance to get into some other state run institutes, if not that, to any private institutes- the third tier. Imagine what would happen to the poor guy who weren’t able to get even through the 2nd tier, it’s all over for them, something beyond imagination for many.
Each day we record a minimum of a student suicide, why so? They are doing so not just because they didn’t get into, but because the education system is making us do so.
At the start of the passage I said you; our world today is full insecurity, which is how it is.
We know, for becoming an engineer or a doctor it isn’t important to get into IITs or AIIMSs, but for getting into a well paid job, it is. That is how most of us think, but why not try thinking it the other way round. There are a lot many people you will have in and around you who a benefitting the country in one or the other way, can’t you be one of them. If yes, you’re lucky not to have become puppets in your own land.
Coming to parents- What do you think the parents wants of us? Any guesses? Hopefully many. Most of our parents must have been keeping on whatever we do, if not all. Should be happy about that? I don’t know. Talking about my parents, form my childhood I had been burdened with a whole list dos and don’ts which I had to follow each time. If I didn’t abide by the same I was subjected to some kind of silly punishments. My parents actually wanted tune me up for the world that I was going to have beside me when I grow up. But, I did never think that the people around could be such cheap.
I hate it when parents pressurise their wards to do something that they really don’t want to. Why not they understand what they are happy with??
“Each one of us is a crow protecting its nest, the moment he lets off his attention to something else, the cuckoo breaks all its egg, hatch its own and move away.”
My friend, you have none of your own, each one around you is a cuckoo looking for an opportunity to get into the beautiful nest of yours to nurture its own plan. They are no evil, but that is what the world taught them. It doesn’t mean you will have to be the same, instead try not letting your eyes off your aim and remembering “ARISE! AWAKE! And not stop till your goal is reached”.
The two years made me learn much more than I ever did the truth behind the false world. This made me realise that I lost the world I ever dreamt of.
I’m trying to justify something that I don’t know. Ever since then I lost my interest in life. I lost interest in everything, from study to food, from travelling to playing, just everything. I didn’t know why I was becoming such, although I could easily make out the difference. My dad once said I was depressed, and this way I am soon going to be frustrated. May be I wanted to take the ultimate step, but I didn’t have enough courage, and ignored it thinking (witty) – Kritartha, why do this when it was illegal to suicide? That was how I made a super oriented square cut, something I was really afraid of. Yes, I was afraid of that.
Soon it was all over and I gradually, woke up from that stage and took interest in my surrounding, even though I was still depressed. But, didn’t seem to interest my mom she wanted me to get ready for the above mentioned exams that were to follow thereafter. My favourite pastime was drowning in my own thoughts and surfing without which I was none.
Like most young lads I wanted to earn money, huge amounts for sure. But, thinking about how to make it possible was the toughest job I ever performed.
This led me to decide that I must go abroad for graduation that would open up new avenues and it can make me better prepared. But, now that the plan was made, my challenge was how to afford my studies abroad?……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
What happened then made me realise that the world I am in is-
My Lost World